It's funny, I am usually asleep by now, but for some reason feel the need to write for a bit; it's not that I have anything remotely interesting to share, but regardless of that fact, perhaps I need a good ramble.

Spring is making me happier and happier, despite it being a rather crap week all told. From being screamed at by a crazy driver to pretty much being told I have to ask permission to take a piss when I'm at school, one would think that I'd be crabby, and I have had my share of crabby moments, but there is something about knowing that it is FINALLY spring that makes me happy, as if it's time to start fresh and forget the grayness & depressions of Winter. It feels like Danu is fully concious now and a bit demanding, but I guess that's to be expected after being asleep for several months time. I like the fact I feel a possessivness from Her, and it's like I get the feeling that all my energy should be directed at Her right now, despite having a life outside of spirituality. But it's all good; I'm happy She is around and She seems happy with that fact that She's awake again.

Nothing super intense has happened, but that's okay too; I am so very looking foward to my spring break though. I took the entire time off of work as well, just so I could be intensly lazy if I so choose and live in my pajamas for the entire two weeks. I just have to get through the finals and papers first.....then rest........man, that is so exciting to me.......to just rest........;)

Dirtiness and sad....

So, a few of you know about a fellow that I had recently fallen for *S.......a totally rugged and handsome cowboy type that swept me off my feet. Well, we ended up sleeping together for the first time last night, and as soon as it was done, he got up, had a shower and then wouldn't hardly speak with me, look at me or touch me (despite us sitting on the couch for over an hour afterwards--he wouldn't even look me in the eye--all I got from him was he wanted me to leave). I was exceedingly hurt & heartbroken, as I don't do that with just anyone; they have to be really special to me.

I have felt dirty and used all day and have wanted to do nothing but curl up and be by myself......how horrible it feels to be used and then discarded for sex.

And Danu awakens........

I went for a lovely walk today down in Fish Creek Park; everything is melting and mucky, but it was so nice to be outside in the sunshine, just "being".

I have a spot near the creek that I like to go and sit at from time to time, and despite having intended to go to my stone circle, felt compelled to go there instead. It was glorious to just sit on this old log and listen to the creek rush by me....all dark and muddy with the spring run off. For some reason I felt the urge to sing, and it was like the very air around me resonated with it; the wind picked up, and within minutes I was surrounded with 7 or 8 Chickadees, 5 of whom decided to land on my hand when I held it out. In that instant, I knew I was reconnecting with an Awakening Danu, for whenever I see little birds, I think of Her, and when I sit by the creek, I am beside Her. It was beautiful--tranquility incarnate:)

And then there is the fact I have a date with a nice young gentleman tonight too that makes the day seem a little sunnier...........;)

Sunny Days & dreams

Man, what a difference it makes to wake up to sunshine...FINALLY we've had some, and it just so makes a difference for me...as much as I am drawn to the moon, there is something about the sun that just makes me happy!

I feel spring in the air, and the stirrings of Danu....it was like I woke up the other day and could just sense a difference:) It makes me so happy to feel it again.

I had a very strong dream the other night as well. As I was falling asleep, it was like I was suddenly in a different place & time---a camp of some sorts, with a fire in the centre & it was almost full dark; I could see trees around us too. I was human, and everyone around me was an elf, and I was being criticized by this female that I could never be an "avatar of Danu"....well, all of a sudden, I felt like I was being lifted off the earth (and almost saw myself from anothers point of view yet I was still inside my body--it was weird--like seeing flashes of yourself). I remember seeing my eyes open and instead of the norm, it was like my eyes were leaves made of energy. I had all this brilliant green energy swirlling around me too as I floated in mid-air. And then this voice came from me, like 3 or 4 people talking at once, all in harmony--several male & several female. I remember the voice saying "how dare you criticize my choice" and "I am Danu and will choose whom I see fit".......Then I was laying on the ground and this male elf was helping me stand...I woke up after that.....perhaps that was my subconcious way of asking if I was fit for this role, and Danu reaffirming that I was?? I haven't sorted through it all yet.